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Is there a divide in the Mothers-hood?

working mummy
working mummy

Since becoming a mummy back in March 2018 my life has changed dramatically. Not only have I welcomed a new tiny life into our family I’ve also left work full time. Had a shift in friendships and started therapy. Not to mention all the other little trails and tribulations that come with being a mum. You can read more about these over on the #Becomingmum section of my blog.

Of course, I say the phrase that I’ve heard a million other mothers say, “I wouldn’t change it for the world”. No, of course, you wouldn’t wish for your child to no longer be here. But I question if they truly wouldn’t want to change anything in their current life. I know I would.

I want to work. However, I yearn to be the sole caregiver to Arthur. I want to be a stay-at-home-full-time-working-mummy…. is their such a thing?

For our family, Jack was always going to be the “bread winne”. He is 5 years older than me and earns a considerable amount more than me… for now. This mumma has big plans.

Is our society really changing?

In a world where we are now opening our hearts and minds to the differences we all posses. I ask the question, is our society really changing?

In the UK, the number of stay-at-home Dads has dropped in the last 5 years. The percentage of mothers in full-time work with a child under the age of 4 is 25%.

This still seems very 1965

Although we are moving forward in the sense we have “laws” in place that allow mothers to return to work, is that really where we should be focusing our attention?

Early today I watched one of Mrs Meldrums YouTube Videos and in her descriptio she has included some FAQ’S. It was quite surprising to me that one of those questions was “does Mr. Meldrum work?”, the answer was no, he is a stay at home dad.

The reason this was surprising to me wasn’t because Mr. Meldrum is a stay at home dad, but the fact that this question is being asked. I feel that as a society we still are quite uncomfortable with this answer.

Which is why I ask the question “are law’s and legislations the place we should be focusing our attention?”

Are women/mothers working twice as hard?

Working Mothers Vs Say at home mothers

The number of mothers who are now working has risen by 1.2 million over the past two decades. Showing that in 2017 65% of mothers were in some type of employment. That might be anything between 10 hours to 37.5 hours a week.

So if the majority of Dads are still working full time, and the number of mums returning to work is rising. Were does that leave the children?

Being a stay at home mum is not all cuddles, play dates and nappy changing… There is also a house to up hold, not to mention your sanity. There are no breaks. Nap times are filled with hanging out washing, doing dirty dishes or for some, a side hustle. If you have more than one child then you’ll be navigating all those things with a child-like Capuchin Monkey asking for snacks.

If you’re not sure what a capuchin monkey is, YouTube “capuchin monkey on car”. That’s real life footage of my son in my kitchen.

I took to the world of social media to ask what the average part-time-working-mum’s day looked like… The majority of mum’s saying that even on the days they’re working they are still the ones to get up and get their children ready for the day. As well do some household tasks like ‘unload the dishwasher, put a wash on or whip the hoover round’.

Don’t get me wrong, I know plenty of Dads that do all or at least half the housework… Although, it seems that despite more mum’s taking on at least a part-time job, they are still the sole care-giver /housework do-er within their family.

It’s time to hear from you

My first question I asked was what is the common assumption of both being a stay at home mummy or a working mummy.

I always like to let you lovely lot have your say. As I mentioned, I took to “the hotest hang out” right now, social media and asked you some quite personal questions. So thank you to all of you who got back to me.

A lot of you stay-at-home-mummies said that the most common assumption is that it’s easy. Some of you said you’ve had the following sentace been said to you “what have you done all day?”, “but all you do is play”, “you don’t have the stress of earning money for the house”, “being a working mum is harder than being a stay-at-home mum”.

So I asked the same question to working mums… Many of you responded with “why did you have children if you didn’t want to look after them?”, “it’s selfish”, “you’re putting your career before your children”, “it’s easy for you, you get the time out from being a mum” “you get to have more alone time”.

I think we can all agree there is something particularly wrong with both…A group of women who all ultimately feel the same way about their children and are doing their very best, are not supporting one another.

Instead of assuming that one mother has it easier than another, how about we pull our head out of our arses for a second. We all have stresses, we all have responsabilties…

Let’s remeber that one mans rubbish is another mans gold.

I’m not saying we all have to be best friends and make daisy chain bracelets for one another. BUT in a world where equality still hasn’t quite yet got its feet firmly on the ground, shouldn’t we be standing together instead of tearing each other down?

2 Comments

  1. Tanita January 30, 2019 / 9:29 pm

    Great post Holly and really interesting. Those are definitely common assumptions. I take my hat off to full time working mums and full time stay at home mums all doing such an amazing job raising their kids, both are just as hard as each other. I think as long as your happy at home with your life there is n other reason to bash another. I think supporting each other for the different ways in which we all live our lives could go such a long way in making all of our lives better and happier. xx

    • Holly
      Author
      February 1, 2019 / 4:08 pm

      I couldn’t agree more. Wouldn’t we all be happier feeling the support from others. I always try and just give a friendly smile to another mother if I find myself daydreaming as I know sometimes I have a resting bitch face and it might come across as me being judgmental in some way. I just always feel a smile goes a long way. I want to see more support in the community of mothers instead of judgment just because someone lives differently to you. xx

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