You’ll either be able to relate to this or you won’t. If you’ve never felt jealous before then maybe by reading this your mind will be opened to what it is like to feel jealous and how it can effect someones’s true personality.
When people talk about being green with envy (even though envy is completely different to jealousy but more on that later) or if you’re religious “the devils within you” I believe this to be true. When you’re jealous you’re not yourself, much like when you’re angry. Sometimes these feelings come as a pair, often jealousy makes you angry. They both bring out a side to a person that may not always be shown. A side which I think we’d all rather keep hidden. As much as some people may not have ever felt jealous before, I do believe that we all have these feelings within us. We are all capable of feeling jealous at some point in our lives.
It makes you say and do things you never thought you would. It makes you feel ashamed of yourself. It makes you question yourself and creates a blurred image of reality. I will admit, I have been jealous before. I’ve not often shown it but I’ve felt it. I’ve said things that I’m ashamed to admit but for the purpose of this post and staying true to my title statement “the honest talker” I will share these nasty comments with you. “She’s ugly. You couldn’t get more make up on her face even if you tried.” “Why does she have the nice house nice car perfect family perfect house, why does she have everything I SHOULD HAVE. Everything that I’ve worked so hard to achieve.” This is not the Holly I know speaking. This is an alien and I have been abdicated and taken hostage in my own mind. Thats what jealousy does to you.
It’s ugly. It’s a monster. It’s one of those feelings which takes a lot of strength to control. It’s even harder when it comes in-between someone you care for.
When it comes to jealousy in relationships some people say it’s healthy to be jealous. I disagree. I think two people can be over the moon happy and have no jealousy what so ever in their relationship. I’m not just talking about getting jealous over other girls speaking to your man, I’m talking about all types of jealousy. Being jealous over your partners success, friendships or money. Saying this I don’t think that just because you get a little jealous over small things means that your relationship is doomed and will never work. However, when you start to put the lead on your other half, dictating who they can and can’t spend time with, checking their messages and starting an argument because “she/he likes ALL of his/her photos on Instagram” is not ok. This is toxic and I think it’s time to say enough is enough and walk away.
Remember that saying I used earlier? “Green with envy” well this is actual rubbish. There is a big difference between jealousy and envy. Being envious of someone is like a wishful feeling inside of you that wishes you had what they have, but this does not lead to jealousy. You might be envious of someones figure and how they have had the determination to go to the gym eat well and therefore have a lovely body. You may ask them for advice on how YOU can achieve the same, or congratulate them on their achievements. This is healthy.
Envy often helps you to strive for better. It may also be the start of amazing friendships.
Jealousy often stems from your own insecurities. Let me do a few translations for you.
“She’s wearing far to much make up, I bet she’s so ugly underneath that cake face.”
Translation: “I wish I could learn to do my make up like that”
“She’s such a slut, always flirting with him”
Translation: “I’m nervous that he may not love me and end up cheating on me.”
Can you see how actually both of these nasty, ugly statements translate into someones own insecurities. In the first statement she’s insecure about her looks and therefore pushes these insecurities onto someone else, as it, for a nano second makes her feel that tiny bit better about herself. In the second statement you can clearly see that she is insecure about her relationship and her partners feelings for her. I believe once you face your own insecurities and realise what it is that is truly bothering you the jealousy will disappear.
I will be honest and admit I have been jealous in the past, but I know that it was only my own insecurities that made me feel this way. I wanted to talk about what it’s like to feel jealous as I feel it is something not a lot of people will admit too because we are made to feel so ashamed of ourselves for being jealous. I don’t think it is something you should be proud of, especially if you have acted rash because of your jealous feelings but equally I don’t feel like it is something people should suffer in silence with.
The first way of getting over something and letting go is admitting it to yourself, maybe someone else and just accepting it.
Ta-ra for now