I haven’t had a good, sit down and write whatever comes to mind kind of post in ages. So grab a coffee or beverage of your choice, have a cheeky gin on me, because you might be here for a while.
This question has been playing on my mind for a while now… Sometimes my anxiety makes me want to stay in, be by myself, be selfish. Not anxiety itself but I am now so much more in-tune with what I need that when I can feel a storm brewing I turn to those things that make me feel so much better.
For me, those things that make me feel better mean I become a bit of a recluse. I need time to myself. To either just sit and think, to exercise more, take a bath. Just do the things that I know work for me. I wrote a blog post all about ways that help me with my anxiety <here>.
By doing this, it leaves less time for friends. Especially now I have Arthur, my world has become smaller. Smaller but in no way less for filled. I can’t believe that having a baby has made me feel more content than ever before. I used to say that there has alaways been a whole in my heart, something missing from life, I couldn’t put my finger on it and I never wanted to have a baby to fill that whole because I thought that was selfish. But in actual fact having Arthur has filled that whole and healed me in so many more ways than I can describe.
Don’t get me wrong I still have a long journey ahead of me but I finally feel over that first major hurdle. That one step closer to having complete inner peace and happiness. To feeling completely confident in who I am and what I want.
With my world getting smaller I feel like I have less time to give people. This bring back that gloomy question, does my anxiety make me a bad friend?
Am I too selfish?
How can I be there for my friends when I don’t have a clue myself.
Ooohh the ramblings of a 20 something new mum, figuring out her world ay.
I love my friends and there is nothing more forefilling then being there for others and inspiring other people. Having anxiety has been a blessing in descise because I feel I can hopefully help others through what I found has helped me.
When anxiety first stumbled into my life I didn’t know who to turn to, so I turned to the interent and bloggers. People like Grace Victory, Vix Meldrew and Hannah Gale have been my biggest life lines when it comes to dealing with my anxiety.
I felt accepted. I felt that finally someone got it. I no longer felt ashamed and I felt as if I had new options. Of course my friends were there for me but thank fully they hadn’t experienced these feelings/emotions before. So even though a night out or a cosy night in where we giggled, drank wine and danced like no one was watching certainly soothed my soal I still felt alone.
That feeling is something I never want anyone else to feel. But I keep coming back to that question.
Can I be a good friend and have anxiety? Do the two work together?
Sounds like a weird question doesn’t it. As if anxiety is something I choose to have in my life. BELIEVE ME, I don’t. But it is something I have to accept will I will most probably always have. So can the two work together? Can I be a good friend.
Something I am sure I will figure out. I am actually excited to learn yet another thing about myself. Life is a journey and something that is not always easy. We each have our own things going on, and all have at one point or another felt a bit lost. Maybe that be for a day or a couple of years.
The one thing I want to be banished from peoples minds is that feeling lost, alone, anxious, depressed, frightened. are all emotions/ feelings that SHOULD NOT be something to be ashamed of. YOU ARE NORMAL, if you have ever felt this way.
I am so open about my anxiety and what ways help me because when I found those bloggers, they made me realise I wasn’t alone, so hey why not shout it from the roof tops and help others whilst you scramble along your own journey.
So maybe you can be a good friend and have anxiety. Maybe we just need to practice the art of communication better. Be better talkers. More open and accepting of ourselves and how we feel.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Arthur is waking up now ready for a feed and I am off to meet a very good friend to discuss some exciting things!