Hi, its been a while. Where do I start. I think to be able to explain I’m going to have to be as honest as I can without getting too personal, I mean this is a personal post but what I’m saying is my intentions are not here to bash anyone or divulge personal information about others I’m just here to write down my experience and honest opinion. So here goes.
The last month has been… OML shit. Basically. My life has gone from being 90% beautiful to being flipped upside down and basically, shit. Yes the positive attitude has been temporally lost, and yes I do know there is plenty of good still in my life, but for the purpose of this post and for the purpose of me explaining how I really feel and how I am trying to deal with current events I’m going to be honest and say its shit.
Jack ended our two and a half year relationship. We lived together and were, what I thought, moving forward in our relationship. There is no easy way to say this but I am devastated. I had to move back in with my mum and Stephen (step dad) which I can tell you now is HORRIBLE after living alone for two years… Then I had a car accident and wrote off my car, insurance sky rocketed and I had to pay out for a new car. Oh and two weeks before mine and Jacks relationship ended I handed my notice in at work and wasn’t able to retract it. All plans went out the window and I am left feeling utterly lost.
I went from knowing exactly where my life was going to having no fucking idea what I am going to do, or even what I want to do. This for me has never happened. Since I was about 15 I have always known my next step. Why don’t I? It’s not like I relied solely on Jack for anything, I was totally my own person. We spent time together, time with friends and time on our own. Perfect balance. So why am I left feeling lost? Anyone who has ever been dumped (fucking hate that word) then you know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that feels like someone is mixing up your insides. You’ll know that feeling of hating the fact you still want someone who doesn’t want you. You’ll know that feeling of not understanding why. Pathetic isn’t it.
I took a break from writing because all I could think about it writing about him. Writing hateful things. Things I knew I would regret. I wrote a few make up posts but my heart wasn’t in it. I love make up and always will but is that the direction I want to take my blog? Is that really what “Hey, its ok” is about? I thought about blogging a lot through the last month. I thought about what I want my blog to look like and what I want it to represent and the direction I want it to go. Thats when I finally realised that being honest has always been a quality I love about myself, a quality that I believe to be really important. So thats when I decided to write this post. Almost a fresh start. I want to write about meaningful subjects gender equality, human writes, transgender, education, family, mental health, friends, relationships, life. I want my posts to resinate with people, I want my posts to make people think. I’m not saying I’ll never do a make up or beauty post ever again but I just feel more passionate about well… people. Writing from the heart.
I feel like the only way I will be able to have a clean slate and start again is to lay everything on the table, or on my blog and start again. So heres to Lucy who has been nothing but incredible the last few weeks, mum of a gorgeous boy she has taken on my shit, listened to my rants, had my tears on her shoulder and has just been there through out. Heres to Jessica who is always there with a bottle of wine and some heels to pick me up and get me out of the house, she says “FUCK HIM, YOU’RE GORGEOUS” and makes me feel like a hot piece of ass’ and a super woman. Heres to Scott who has been a huge distraction from my own mind, has been there to make me laugh. Heres to Claire for letting me talk her ear off whilst she pampers me with manicures and pedicures. This is for all of those people who have been simply amazing through the past month.
I ready to start a fresh and create some insightful and honest content that comes from my heart.
So Ta-ra for now, I’m off to plan the next month of posts and get this Beyonce butt back into blogging.