Photo by Makeup Savvy
Ladies. There are some things we all know we do, that men don’t know about. This doesn’t mean we’re not as close with our partners or that we keep secrets from them. It just means that maybe you don’t want them to know that you have a secret stash of chocolate fingers in your car for emergencies only… and when I say emergencies I mean whenever you get so hangry you just can’t control yourself.
These things are nothing to be ashamed of, because WE ALL DO THEM… well at least one of these twenty things.
- Lets go head first into the pit of secrets and dig out that gold. WE POO AND FART. Sometimes so bad that we even shock ourselves. How can you men honestly believe that we don’t, especially when we’re on some “only vegetable diet” or on “the nutribullet detox” MY GOD. Why does something that is so nutritious, make you fart like someone just died!!
- When we say we have nothing to wear it doesn’t mean that we actually have nothing to wear, it means we are desperate for something new just so we can feel sexy again. Its tough trying to feel attractive all the time.
- We know you watch porn. A LOT. But that’s OK. So do we. We pretend that the first time we watched it together was the first time we ever saw it, but we’re lying. We watch it, probably not to the extent you do but we know exactly whats what.
- As much as we love you and will always want to spend time with you, our time is precious and we also love being on our own. Just so we can be weird and dance around the house naked. Eat our secret stash of chocolate fingers and sing at the top of our lungs in the bath.
- When we know we’re about to get lucky, we’ll go to the bathroom to just check that all areas are smelling good, and that everything is tidy down stairs. Heads up to any men reading this, we’d also like you to do this from time to time too.
- When we go into a room of people, even at a restaurant in a foreign country, we scan the room to asses who we want to talk to and who we want to avoid.
- We check out girls not because we’re into them, obviously can’t speak for everyone, but because of three options: 1. we love what they’re wearing 2. we’re jealous of what they’re wearing or 3. we want to ask them where they brought what they’re wearing from but don’t have the guts to ask a complete stranger “hey, where did you get those shoes?”. Which by the way I did today, feeling rather chuffed with myself.
- We let our legs get so hairy we start to realize how similar we are to monkeys. Until we reach a point when we decide enough is enough and it all comes off, not just for the satisfaction of getting some sex but so that we can roll around on everything soft because the feeling of freshly shaved/waxed legs is just a feeling like no other.
- Even though we say you need to trim your nose hair, or suggest you come with us for our morning jog but actually we love your flaws. It reminds us that you’re human too and not to be so hard on ourselves.
- We freak out about walking alone at night. We might have said that “I’m a big girl, I can walk alone at night.” but really we’re scared. So much so we pull something out of our handbag that could be used as a weapon, because that man that lives on your street is walking home at the same time, even though you know he’s perfectly normal. Things are way scarier in the dark.
- Now I said that we love our time alone, but we do miss you when your gone. Sometimes, well… all the time, we find a big jumper or top of yours and wear it just because it smells like you. Oh yeah we’re cute but if we told you this we’d look like a total wet idiot instead of a “strong powerful women”.
- We have a secret board on Pinterest all to do with our wedding day. It includes everything from wedding dresses to venues to the cutest wedding favours. Don’t freak out you may not be the one.
- We want your mates to fancy us, even though we don’t fancy them, or have any intention on sleeping with them EVER!
- We cry for absolutely no reason at all but sometimes will make up a reason just to not seem stupid. Even though we know there is no real reason for our outburst.
- On a girls night out, questionable things happen that we’d rather forget and will NEVER share… and fellow ladies we’d rather you forget it too.
- It’s only until after our period comes or after its finished that we realize we had a terrible case of PMS. We don’t always know its happening. Hormones are horrible things. They creep us on us like Mary Berry creeping up on the bakers in technical challenge with only 10 minutes to go! Deadly.
- Our boobs have a mind of their own. Most of the time they look bloody incredible when you’re not around! And when you are they look like I’ve breast fed the cast of Annie and I’m suddenly in my 80’s.
- Speaking of boobs we don’t actually like wearing a bra. Ok, so they save our boobs from feeling like they’re about to rip off when running down the stairs but most of the time they’re just uncomfortable. Well the ones that make your boobs look good anyway.
- We pee in the shower. Sometimes it just happens. Literally like you’ve just turned on the tap.
- We wish we could tell you these things as soon as we meet but we’re afraid of you not accepting that this is actually how every girl is, so instead we ease you in like teaching a puppy to potty train.
Ta-ra for now