Confidence is always a difficult subject for some. The word ‘confidence’ gets thrown around quite often almost as if you should automatically have it, as if you should automatically know how to become more confident, as if you should always feel it every second of every hour of every day. Do you? I know I don’t. At times I’ve felt as if my confidence levels is at -1%, a feeling as if everyone is talking about you and everyone’s opinions matter as if everyone was your mum. You begin to think so little of yourself that no ones words could make you feel any lower because you’ve already said most of them to yourself anyway. Now I’m not saying I’m an expert on how to boost your confidence, but when you’ve been at an extreme low in your life and have managed to pull your “sorry for yourself” arse off the floor and jumped into life with both feet (although that is highly unlikely for me right now due to being on crutches and all, but you know what I’m saying) I believe I have the right to share my experience and wisdom that I have with you.
So, lets get stuck in shall we.
Lists are my all time favorite thing when in a crisis. Sometimes writing pros and cons for situations can help when making big decisions that seem a bit scary. You know that big decision to leave your sucky job that you’ve been cursing every time you wake up for the past month, or that decision on whether you should buy yourself that gorgeous new coat from New Look, the answer to that one is YES, most defiantly YES. Lists don’t always have to be pro’s and con’s I like to use lists sometimes to remind myself what I have achieved that day, or I’ll make a list of all the things I feel grateful for. Remember this is a list only you will see so don’t be shy write down everything and anything that springs to mind but remember this is for you so be honest.
Hi 8:30am on a Monday morning, I’ve not seen you in a while. and wow what a way to start the week, Yes that’s right I did a live video on Facebook all about facing my fear. Please go check it out if you want to find out exactly what I said,or more like rambled >here<. I have been finding myself back in that gloomy place of caring what people think, oh its an ugly place to be, I feel shoved in a box and forced to do things I actually don’t enjoy doing, so my goal of the week is to face my fear and continue writing my blog and building my brand as well as continuing with my side business that is supporting my blog by funding some exciting new things so why wouldn’t I continue with this? Because a few people have dismissed it, errrrm no that is most certainly not you Hols!
Talking for me has always come easy, however I understand that it doesn’t for everyone, that’s why I didn’t start with this one but it is important. Find someone that you feel you can relate to and reach out to them, even if that person is someone you think won’t respond to you, if you can relate to them then they’ve most probably felt exactly how you are feeling now, un-confident. So reach out and tell your story, I’m sure they will want to help you as much as you are probably helping them. This is a difficult task to do for all of us when speaking about something that is personal to us but believe me once you’ve done it you will feel a massive sense of relief. So similar to the advice above, step out of your comfort zone and talk to someone you can relate to.
When I say Girl Code I’m not talking about when you were 13 years old and you would tell your friends who you fancied but you would tell them to take the Girl Code oath, or when you found out your best friend at the time kissed your ex boyfriend, still against the Girl Code just sayin’. I’m talking about the fantastic book by Cara Alwill Leyba. Yesterday I decided to download it as an audio book as I believe sometimes if you listen to something daily their words will soon sink in. A lot of you might feel like you don’t have the time to sit and listen or read a book, so don’t don’t take that time. The reality of today is that almost every single one of us constantly has our phone with us 24/7 so why not listen to a motivational book whilst you cook dinner? It is defiantly worth a listen.
There is nothing more confident then wearing a smile. Sometimes I wear it even when I really don’t want to, y’know those days when you rushed out of the house because for the 250687 zillion time you couldn’t find your keys, then you got stuck in traffic but managed to only be fiver minutes late but your boss STILL said “your late make the time up”, thank god those days are behind me!! Although I still loose my keys (eye role at myself). Those days are the most important to wear your smile. Even if its as fake as a fake Louis Vuitton bag, you know what they always say “Fake it ’till you make it!” and that really does apply when it comes to wearing a smile, once you’ve worn that fake Louis Vuitton smile a couple of times you’ll be well on your way to wearing the real deal.
This seems like such a weird one but trust me there is nothing like dancing like no one is watching, in your undies in your kitchen, whilst cooking. Or maybe not cooking, ew splatter burns! But just get moving, dancing releases endorphin’s which helps with over all happiness which in turn helps with feeling confident in your self. I love dancing especially on a night out but more so at home when I can really let loose. Beyonce goes on and the butt starts wiggiling. If this one is hard for you then start small, just put some upbeat music on that you really enjoy and just listen. Then move it on to maybe listening to it whilst doing something like the cooking, fully clothed this time, or even whilst doing the cleaning. Sooner or later your body will start to move to the beat, trust me unless you’re a robot, your hips will want to swing and your butt will want to wiggle and your feet will want to move. You just have to let it happen.
I love this one and some days I REALLY NEED IT. A confidence diary works like this, find yourself a kick ass note pad and write in it each day at least 5 things that you feel confident about. For example “Day 1 of my new Confidence Diary, today is a good day, I woke up and the first thing I did was do my make up, oh how I enjoy doing my make up, I could just keep pilling it on if I wouldn’t end up looking like a drag queen a pretty sassy drag queen though. I then did something that scared me, I went live on my personal FaceBook page and spoke about facing my fears and my new business. Even though I was so nervous and scared I felt so empowered and confident afterwards. That was the perfect start to the day. I had a few bumps but the day got better and better and by the end I felt confident with my business”. That’s just a snip-et from my own confidence diary, since starting a fresh with my 2017 diary I feel so much better.
Now this is a big one. Friendships are funny things, sometimes we have friends in our lives that lift us up and make us feel totally unstoppable, however we also may have “friends” that are what I like to refer to as dementors. Yes that’s right I am using the black cloaked ‘things’ in Harry Potter that float around Hogwarts sometimes sucking the happiness and joy out of everyone they can. That’s exactly what some so called “friends” can do to us, although they don’t show up in black cloaks looking all creepy, they show up all happy and smiley looking as if they are around you to help and “be there for you”. What you want to do to feel more confident is get rid of all the dementors in your life and keep those real friends. How can I tell if my friends are ‘dementors’ or true friends? I hear you ask. Well let me tell you, dementors will want to talk LOADS about the low points in your life, they’ll show up just in time, they’ll act as if they are there for you however they will focus on the low points even after that has been and gone making the low point drag out instead of picking you up and moving you on. They won’t want to celebrate your achievements sure they’ll say “well done” but they won’t shout about it to others or suggest a celebratory dinner/glass of bubbly. They will often make it about themselves, they’ll always bring the conversation back to themselves. Its hard I know to figure this out but as you become more confident it will become easier to pick the dementors out from the true friends.
There’s nothing better then buying yourself a new dress that fits you perfectly and you feel absolutely fabulous! Hello January sales, this shouldn’t be too hard to treat yourself to a gorgeous “freakum dress”. If dresses aren’t your thing then shoes? Who could resist a pair of Christian Louboutins I mean come on!! They are just so beautiful. These are all materialistic ways of treating yourself, and if money isn’t your friend at the moment then run yourself a big bubble bath pour yourself a large glass of prosseco and sink deep into that warm bubble filled water whilst listening to my new favorite audio book at the moment, girl code or your book of choice. Magazines are band from the harmony zone as they create self loathing instead of self confidence.
We’ve come to the end of this fabulous list, its been a journey for sure but a brilliant one. I think I’ve saved the best till last. I believe goals are an important thing to have as they keep you motivated and help build up your confidence. Earlier this month I spoke about how to create a goal board >find it here< but now its time to fast forward a bit and remember that feeling when you finally achieve those goals that were once just a picture on your goal board but are now a reality. These are the moments to hold on to as they will force you into believing in yourself again, because you must of believed in yourself at one point because you have achievements that you should be proud of.
These are all tips and tricks that I have used and am still using to improve on my confidence as y’know even a fabulous kick ass girl boss like myself still needs to work on her confidence.
Ta-ra for now
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